


When We Were Rivals (i loved you then)

by The_Red_Queen_Ships_The_Ships



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Adam (Voltron) Lives, At this point even i don't know what ship is going to be endgame, Canon Compliant, Characters will be added as they appear - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Dependent Past Relationships, Everything is a mess, Flashbacks to Garrison days, Hey @dreamworks what's adam's fucking last name????, I am a multishipper you bet your ass I'm going to add all my ships in this fic, I was already invested in Adam so Dreamworks can pry him put of my cold dead hands, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Insecure Lance (Voltron), It's implied tho, James is the physical embodiment of the "oh no he's hot!" meme from spongebob, James needs a hug, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Keith and James used to hook-up, Keith's Harem Of Boys, Kinda, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance made up the rivalry because he had a crush on Keith, M/M, Me desperately ignoring canon, Not Beta Read, Pining James, Pining Lance (Voltron), Season/Series 07 Spoilers, They fight over who gets to be Keith's rival, They keep using the word rival I don't think they know what it means, Vague references to Keith's past crush on Shiro, We Die Like Men, look - Freeform, nobody knows how to communicate, supportive adam
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-06-28 02:48:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15698580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Red_Queen_Ships_The_Ships/pseuds/The_Red_Queen_Ships_The_Ships
Summary: Keith and James had history behind them, something Lance knew he couldn't get in the middle of. But hearing Keith call someone else his rival made jealousy erupt in his chest, and he knew something had to be done.Or, alternatively, Lance doesn't like the thought of Keith being rivals with someone else, James wants to be a better man, and Keith just wants the past to stay in the past.





	1. Keith

**Author's Note:**

> Jeith at Klance shippers: This could be us but you playing 
> 
> There aren't enough Jeith (Jaith?) fanfictions around and none of them feauture pining! Lance so...... 
> 
> I didn't even watch that episode yet, i just wanted to jump on the "James and Keith were exes" bandwagon. 
> 
> This is purely self-indulgent
> 
> ///
> 
> The first two chapters revolve around Keith, the next two are Lance, and the next two are Jsmes. Who knows what the last chapter will be about.

There comes a time when the past comes back to haunt you. Sometimes it's literally, in Keith’s case. When Voltron came back to a war-ravaged Earth, Keith didn't think much. He was focused on wiping out as many Galra troops as possible. It wasn't as if he had family down there to worry about, his family was already with him.

Well, there was Adam, but the last time Keith asked if Shiro what he was going to do when he saw him again, Shiro gave him a pain-stricken look and he dropped it. If Shiro didn't want to talk about him, Keith wouldn't force him to. So he focused on doing what he did best. Fighting Galra robots. Leading the team. Being the Paladin he once scoffed at the idea of.

A lot had changed since his Garrison days. He had changed. And so had his teammates.

Keith didn't know when it had happened, but he knew he could trust these people with his life. They went through hell together and came out stronger than before. They were each other’s support. He had never felt this trusting towards someone before, not since before the Kerberos mission. So he kept it small and hidden in his chest, the trust, the admiration, the love he had for his teammates. He tried to show it to them in small bursts, but Keith still had difficulties with displaying emotions. But he tried.

So when the drones began shooting at them, and he and Lance happened to be behind the same overturned car for cover, he tried.

“I'll distract them, you shoot,” he said, hands gripping his bayard. He looked over and saw Lance’s determined face, so different from the boy he remembered back when Voltron was just a concept and Shiro had just been saved. His easy-going expression was gone, and it made something in him hurt. So he let his voice drop low, and said in a semi-serious voice, “Don't miss.” It was entirely ironic, since Lance was one of the few people he trusted not to miss.

He saw Lance’s expression change-- a furrow of the brow, a dip of the lips, but something in his eyes glimmered as the ghost of their past dynamic came back. There was something strange about it; the cadence was wrong, steps were missing, but Keith was trying, Lance knew he was trying, and that was all they needed.

He turned away, face turned up in giddiness for a millisecond before he became serious again. And that was when he slipped back into habit and began doing what he did best: kicking ass. It was as natural as water. Slash, duck, swing, kick, rinse, repeat, and Keith relished in it. Everything was automatic. Everything was background noise. He was focused only on hitting this and hitting that. He trusted his teammates to fall back into the same dance as well.

Something exploded behind him and he turned just in time to see a drone Lance had just shot to protect him. Pride bursted in his chest at his right hand man, but he keep it inside. He glanced down at the ruined machine. “I wonder how many of them are here. Pidge, do you think you can find a way to let us know where they are?”

“Already on it,” she said from a little alcove not too far from where he was. He could see her fiddle with a hologram, doing things he couldn't even bother to comprehend with technology beyond him. It was moments like these when he forgets she’s only a teenager thrusted into an intergalactic war and not a trained hacker. “It seems four more are heading this way.”

There was another burst of beams that shot towards them and it was back to fighting. Except this time, it wasn't a drone. Robotic Galra soldiers marched towards them, guns aimed and cocked. Keith furrowed his brows in irritation, but it couldn't be helped. They were in a war, he couldn't blame the Galra for not being more creative and sending literally anything else. It was a good thing, too. Keith knew how to fight them. He excelled in it.

Keith entered a strange zen-like place as he fought, his muscles reacting to shots while his mind was blank. It wasn't until he heard the unmistakable sounds of tires screeching on the ground that he looked up in surprise. A car--a _human_ car--had just appeared out of nowhere, knocking a Galra trooper down before it could reach a startled Hunk. Another figure-- _human, very much human_ \-- hopped out from the car and began shooting at the drones with a gun Keith had never seen before. Their uniform was also new. Sure, it had been years, but still. What else had changed?

“I had that,” Keith growled, irritation already filling him. He didn't need the help.

The figure straightened and held their gun defensively across their chest. A voice, distorted slightly, came out from the helmet. “Drones send distress signals when attacked. Our weapons neutralize them.” There was a bite to his words that made Keith pause. It was familiar, in a strange, antagonist way. “So unless you want to deal with a swarm of those things, _let us handle it_.” He growled the last part and Keith couldn't help but think this guy was an asshole. “Now let's get out of here before more show up.”

But Keith hesitated. Something about that statement had gears turning in his head.

_“Let's get out of here. What if someone else comes?”_

_“They won't. Don't you want to stay with me a little longer-”_

Keith shoved that memory so hard from his brain, a migraine started. Now was not the time. It was never the time.

So he got into the car with the rest of the paladins and did his best not to think about it.

* * *

 It was….strange, watching Lance and Pidge interact with their families. The crying, the hugging. It made Keith hang awkwardly to the side, hands crossed as Kosmo rubbed his leg in comfort. It wasn't that he wasn't happy for them. It all just felt strange, after how long they've been in space. He had almost forgotten they had family other than him. He wanted to smile but all he could remember was the distant memories of his dad’s smile, the shack he grew up in, the orphanage, and the Garrison, where he felt like he would never belong. Before, Earth was a bad memory. Now it was a reality. And he didn't know how to feel about that.

But as he watched Lance’s family engulf him in a hug, he couldn't help a fond expression from taking place. He was happy for Lance. He really was. He was the one who missed Earth the most, he deserved to be happy. Strange feelings bubbled in his stomach as he thought of the sharpshooter, but Keith decided it was just a strange version of homesickness.

He hadn't been paying attention to the conversation Shiro was having with Iverson, who looked older and more pliable, like soft dough, since the last time Keith saw him. He overheard the word “Adam” and decided to occupy himself with running a hand through Kosmo’s thick hair. That conversation was private, and he didn't want to be caught in the middle of it.

 “And cadet!” Iverson said, voice just as authoritarian as before.

Keith stood up straight, saluting. Habits died hard, it seemed. “Yes, sir!” Which was a joke, because Keith couldn't remember the last time he called Iverson _“sir”_. It sure as hell wasn't when he punched him in the face before getting expelled from the Garrison.

A strange smile was playing on his lips, something Keith would never imagine seeing on the commander. “I owe you an apology as well,” he said. “I heard about everything you've done and I was wrong about you.” His eyes softened. “I was a dick to you, even when you didn't deserve it.”

Keith thought back to his Garrison days, when he was a small bundle of raw emotions and insecurities and unresolved issues. He couldn't remember a day when he didn't deserve it, but it was the thought that counted. “I hadn't been the greatest cadet,” Keith admitted, mouth upturned slightly. “I also owe you an apology.”

And Keith held out his hand, something he would never do when he was back in the Garrison. The past seemed like a distant dream now. This, right now, this present time, it was all that mattered. “You were still a major dick, though.”

Iverson laughed and Keith thought, _This is okay. We both grew since then._

Iverson turned to Kosmo and Keith noticed a heavy gaze planted on the back of his head. He whipped his head around in time to catch the asshole-- sorry, soldier from earlier. Their eyes met and something like electricity flickered between them. Keith couldn't help but stare, face puzzled. He knew that gaze. He swore he did.

And then he took off his helmet and Keith’s breath caught in his throat. Tanned skin, angular face, sharp gray eyes, soft brown hair. It was older, filled with sharp lines and diluted colors, but it was undeniably the same. And as he turned away, hair flipping onto his face, Keith couldn't help but wonder, _Woah, when did James fucking Griffin turn hot?_

* * *

 They were due in the conference room soon to talk about their next steps, but Keith’s head was too full of questions to properly care about the meeting. He sat on one of the couches in the common area, fingers threaded together as he thought long and hard about what he had learned. The other occupants of the room watched him out of the corner of their eyes, whispers starting.

_James Griffin is hot now. Not only is he hot, he is a lot more mature and leader-like._

Keith didn't know why this bothered him so much, but realizing that the scrawny, rich kid that used to be second in his class grew up to be a leader made Keith want to punch himself in the throat. He knew eventually that they would have to meet up and talk about their past because the last time they saw each other, there were too many things left unspoken. But Keith wanted the past to be left in the past and he didn't trust his feelings.

“Keith, buddy, there you are,” came a familiar drawl.

Keith blinked and looked up, surprised to see Lance, Hunk, and Shiro walk up to him. They were wearing Garrison clothes, just like when they were younger. Shiro looked odd in his, as if it didn't fit right. He kept tugging at his collar, expression sour. Keith wondered what he was thinking, and if the uniform was giving him flashbacks to his own past. He tried to ask him a question with his eyes but Shiro looked away in embarrassment, neither confirming nor denying anything. It seemed as if right now wasn't the right time to ask about Adam either.

“Where’ve you been?” Lance asked, sliding next to him and slinging an arm around his shoulder. The contact was strange and foreign after everything that had happened to them, all those years apart, but Keith found himself leaning into the touch. “The meeting’s about to start.”

“I was just...thinking,” he responded, eyes once again focused on the ground.

Lance and Hunk exchanged gazes and Shiro lifted an eyebrow. “About what?” Hunk finally asked.

Keith didn't respond for a while. He was still confused about his own emotions and having Lance here didn't help. Frustrated, he turned to Shiro, who was the only one who could possibly understand, and asked, “Do you remember James? Griffin?”

Shiro’s eyebrows furrowed. “Griffin? From the Garrison?”

Keith nodded. “I saw him today. He got fucking _hot_.”

It took Shiro one, two, three seconds to understand before his eyes widened and he barked out a surprised laugh. “Him? The same Griffin you punched?”

Keith hated how amusing Shiro managed to find all of this. It reminded him of back then, when James was first on his radar and he complained to Shiro, who was grading papers with an affectionate eye roll. “Yes! Do you not know how weird this is now? He was an asshole, he shouldn't have glowed-up this well. I swear, this is karma.”

“Keith, you were the only one who thought he was an asshole. He was actually a very charming boy.”

“Um,” Lance said, and Keith was reminded of the other Paladins with them. Hunk was watching them bicker with an upturned eyebrow. Lance had a strange expression on his face. “Who’s James Griffin?”

Keith covered his face in embarrassment. Sure, it had been six-ish years (for Keith at least) since they had last seen James, but it couldn't have been that hard to remember him.

“Who's James? Oh man,” Shiro laughed again. He sure was enjoying Keith’s suffering. “Keith was obsessed with him back when they were cadets. Every night, he would complain to me about something James said or did. They were competitive and only did well to spite each other. There was so much sexual tension between the two that I got worried. They were, like-”

“Rivals,” Keith mumbled behind his hands. “James was basically my rival.”

A beat of silence. Then another. Recognition flickered in Hunk’s gaze. “Oh yeah, that guy-”

“WAIT, _WHAT_??”

Keith winced at Lance’s screeching and scooted away from him. Everyone else in the common area stared at them. Keith tried to ignore them as much as possible as his face warmed. “Why are you screaming?”

Lance’s face was red and there was something- jealousy?- hiding underneath his incredulous expression. “What do you mean, ‘ _your rival’?_ I thought I was your rival? Keith and Lance, always neck and neck?”

Keith shot him a confused look. “Lance, what are you talking about? We weren't even in the same class.”

Lance looked like he wanted to explode. Shiro was laughing again. And Hunk, bless his heart, was the only one who seemed to be on his side. He placed a hand on his shoulder--after Lance abruptly took it off-- and said in a gentle voice, “Actually, he was. So was I. We were both in your class.”

Keith’s face screwed up in confusion. “Really, how did I not know?”

“Maybe because you were always staring at James,” Shiro suggested, a wicked gleam in his eyes letting Keith know that, yes, he intended to milk this for all it was worth. “And let's not forget those times when you two hooked up-”

“Shiro!” Keith yelled, shooting up. His face was a mess of blotchy red, and the indignant expression was lost under the embarrassed scowl. “I told you those in private!”

But Shiro loved to see him suffer. It was payback for all those years back when Keith was an absolute devil to Shiro and Adam. “I can't help it! You were so cute with your crushes and-”

_“You had a crush on James Griffin?!?”_ Lance exploded. His words were strained, cracked.

“It wasn't a-!” Keith stopped himself short, forcing himself to breathe out slowly. _Patience yields focus. Patience yields fucking focus_. He looked Shiro straight in the eyes and said in the coldest voice he could muster, “Hey, is that Adam over there?”

Fear shot through Shiro’s face and his body tensed. Triump flickered in his chest. At least now Keith wasn't the only one suffering. Shiro shot a quick, paranoid glance behind his shoulder. “Wow, would you look at the time. We should probably head to that meeting-”

“Wait, who’s Adam?” Hunk asked, blessed innocent Hunk.

Shiro flinched, and a haunted look crept into his eyes. The triumphant feeling in his chest disappeared and Keith remembered the circumstances of Adam’s and Shiro’s last meeting. He felt bad and ashamed for taking advantage of their previous relationship that way, even if Shiro was doing the same thing. Keith knew how much Shiro loved Adam, even if he hated it when he was younger, and he was grown now. More mature. He knew better than this. If Shiro didn't want to face his past, Keith wouldn't force him to.

He sighed. “Someone from the past. Come on, let's go. We don't want to keep Iverson waiting."

Shiro shot Keith a grateful look and the flicker of something, _something_ appeared in his chest. A feeling that never quite disappeared, never quite escaped, even when Keith kidnapped him from the Garrison and they all went to space together. Keith pushed down the _something_ , pushed it very far down until it became nothing. Because this wasn't like back then. He was a Paladin of Voltron now, not an angsty kid with a stupid crush. That part of the past didn't need to haunt him.

They all decided to walk to the meeting room together, although Keith noticed Lance was hanging back from the group, uncharacteristically quiet. While Hunk and Shiro talked about which food from Earth they missed the most, Keith slowed down to walk side by side with Lance.

“Hey, man, what's up?”

Lance jumped, his serious face melting into one of confusion. Then he saw the way Keith was looking at him and smiled hesitantly. “Nothing, I just..." He trailed off.

But Keith wasn't going to let Lance get off the hook. Between saving the universe almost all the time and going on dangerous missions, they didn't really have time to talk. Not since Keith came back from the Blade of Marmora with an Altean and a Galra mother.

“Lance,” Keith insisted, voice soft. “Its okay. I'm here for you. I want you to know that.”

And Lance gave him that look, the same look they shared during their bonding moment years before, and Keith felt his heart stutter a little. He hoped his face wasn't as red as he thought it was.

“Thanks, man. I guess I just have to adjust to...all of this.” He looked away, and Keith was reminded once again of the past two years he missed with Lance, and how much they had to catch up on. Was Lance always this insecure about his feelings?

“Take as long as you need,” Keith reassured him. “I'm not going anywhere.”

Lance smiled at him and Keith’s heart did the weird flip again. “Thanks Keith.”

“Anytime.” And they fall into a comfortable silence. It was different from before. Obviously, something in their dynamic had changed, but Keith wasn't sure if it was a bad change. He was content to stay like this, but then Lance had to open his big mouth and ruin it.

“You and Griffin, huh,” he said in a voice half a step away from being sad. “Rivals.” There was a peculiar pause as something flickered in his eyes. “Wait, did you actually hook up with-”

Keith’s face burned and that was all the confirmation Lance needed. “ _God_ , Lance, let the past stay in the past!” He put up his defensive walls again and stormed past everyone, ignoring the way their eyes watched him. He saw Shiro give him a humorous smile from the corner of his eyes and he felt like punching the older man. James Griffin was in the past and he was going to stay there. He didn't need anymore distractions. Even as his own emotions tumbled and twisted until he wasn't sure who he was more annoyed at, Shiro, Lance, James, or himself.

And then the meeting happened. And James was there. And the strange electricity between them was back. And Keith couldn't stop staring at James. And James couldn't stop staring at him. But they didn't share a single word to each other.

James' mouth twitched as if he wanted to say something, but Commander Holt captured their attentions and the opportunity was lost. It was evident that James remembered him, and that made everything worse. Because now a talk was inevitable.

Keith wondered, helplessly, if he was the one who couldn't keep the past in the past.


	2. Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone was yelling in his ear for ruining their training. It was to be expected. Keith did fuck everything up. It wasn't fair to any of them that they were to be punished because of Keith’s mistake, but whatever remorse Keith felt in him died when James opened his big mouth and started talking.
> 
>  
> 
> A.k.a, Keith's flashback episode

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter literally got too long, so I cut it in half. This is just the first part of Keith's flashback chapter. The next part will introduce James & Keith's relationship, and then we'll have Lance's point of view.

Keith hated thinking about the Garrison. It left bitter memories in his mouth, memories of not trusting anyone, of pushing people away, of wondering what on earth he did to deserve a chance to be a cadet. He had a lot of issues back then, a lot of unresolved tensions. But he also had Shiro, and in extension, Adam. 

So when there was a moment to breath between the planning and training and catching up, Keith searched the Garrison for Shiro. They hadn't had a moment to talk alone since they returned to Earth, and Keith wanted to know what was up with him and Adam. He knew they hadn't left on good terms, but they were engaged! No matter how Keith felt about it, they loved each other. And Keith, in his own weird way, loved Adam. They were a family, they had only each other, and Keith wanted to see him again.

To find Adam, he needed to find Shiro, and to find Shiro, he needed to find someone who somehow always seemed to know where the former Black Paladin was.

He found Lance talking to some Garrison officers in a corridor, face pulled up in a charismatic smile. The officers were young and bright-face, leaning into Lance’s every word. Clearly, they were new. The aforementioned boy was leaning against the wall in his usual flirtatious pose, but something about it was less genuine, as if Lance was flirting just because it was expected of him. His eyes betrayed everything.

“Sorry to cut in,” Keith said, although he wasn't really, “but I need a word with Lance.”

The officers shot the two knowing glances but nodded and left them alone. Lance straightened almost immediately. “Keith!” But then a shadow passed through his face and his mood dimmed. “I thought you were busy doing leader stuff with Iverson.”

Keith rolled his eyes. He had a quippy comeback but held his tongue. “Have you seen Shiro?”

Lance’s sour expression unravelled instantly. Confusion shone in his eyes. “Shiro? Why? Did something happen?”

“I….we need to go over leader stuff,” he lied. “It's not important.” He didn't know if Shiro had already told the team about Adam, and frankly, Keith wanted Adam to be a Shiro-and-Keith thing. A reminder of their shared past, when everything was semi-okay. Before Voltron. Before getting kicked out of the Garrison. Before the Kerberos mission.

Lance’s face twisted into a scowl. “Leader stuff, huh? That's fine, don't tell me. Keep your secrets, you and Shiro.”

“Lance, just tell me where he is.”

“I last saw him talking to Allura at the medical wing. Something about arms.” He huffed, arms crossed. “They told me to leave because I didn't contribute anything to the conversation, which was total bullshit. I gave them some kick-ass designs. I swear, everyone is out to get me.”

“Lance-” Keith sighed, annoyed at both Lance and his ever fluctuating self-esteem. “No one is out to get you, especially not me.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Prove it.”

“Lance-” Keith really didn't have time for this.

“Did you really date James Griffin?” He interrupted, eyes wide and full of shining emotions. He almost looked vulnerable.

Taken aback, Keith didn't know what to say. His mouth opened then closed. Where did the topic of James come from? “I--  _ what _ ?”

Lance’s eyes flickered to the side. “I just...was wondering. If you guys dated and stuff.”

Keith shifted on his feet, uncomfortable. How was he supposed to respond? “We didn't….date, per say. We just-” 

“Kissed? Held hands? Did the nasty?” The words were reminiscent of a grade schooler’s teasings, but Lance’s voice wasn't playful. He sounded distraught, which made Keith feel like a cheating husband, which was  _ absurd _ . Keith wasn't a cheating anything.

He opened his mouth but nothing came out.He had no real reason to explain any of this to Lance. His own feelings were confusing as it was, as if every single thing he worked hard to maintain was crumbling away. James was part of his past, Lance was part of his present, they had no reason to collide. 

But why? Why didn't Keith want them to collide? He shouldn't care if they meet because what he and James had was long gone and he and Lance didn't  _ have _ anything.

Maybe.

He didn't know.

Did the bonding moment count?

Keith needed someone with a better handle of emotions to help him sort out these conflicting feelings. 

“I can't tell you--I need to find Shiro,” he mumbled, eyes dropping to stare at the floor so he didn't have to see Lance’s expression. “Sorry.”

“But, Keith-”

“Lance, we can talk later. I just need to….” His voice trailed off, unsure exactly of what  he needed. “Things with me and Griffin were just complicated.” 

Lance didn't say anything. His expression was hurt, but Keith couldn't do anything about it right now. He couldn't just leave him like this either. Keith placed a hand on his shoulder, eyes gazing into Lance’s. “But I  _ promise _ I will come back. Okay?”

He didn't look happy, but he nodded. “Okay.”

Keith gave Lance what he thought was an apologetic look before turning around and walking away. When he glanced back, he noticed someone else staring at Lance. James had been standing not too far away from them, watching their interactions with an unreadable expression. There was tension in the air, something Keith wondered if only he could feel. 

Later, he told himself. He’ll deal with it later. He nearly ran to the medical wing.

It was lively, more so than a medical wing had any right to be. People milled around, talking with each other or noting things on their clipboards. There was no one behind the reception desk, so Keith wandered along the halls, peeking into rooms. There was a nostalgic feel to this place. He remembered all those years ending up here when he was still a young and reckless cadet, roughhousing and playing dirty because he enjoyed the thrill. He had one too many bandaids for a boy his age.

Keith stopped a man wearing a white coat. “Excuse me, have you seen-”

The man’s tired blue eyes widened. “You! You're that Paladin Voltron guy!”

He paused. “Paladin  _ of _ Voltron, really, but yes. And you are….?”

The man shook Keith’s hand enthusiastically. He had a bristly gray beard, similar to Sam Holt’s when they first saved him from the Galra. “I am Dr. Whleim! I heard so much about you Voltron guys! Thank you for saving our galaxy.”

“We haven't really saved it yet….but you're welcome, I guess. Have you seen--”

“You're looking for Captain Wright, am I correct?” He asked, eyes twinkling. He laughed at Keith’s surprised look. “He told me about you and your stories. He knew you were coming. He’s in room 325, knock before you enter. He gets cranky when you don't.” 

Keith smiled slightly. That was such an Adam thing to do. “Thank you, Dr. Whleim.”

“No, thank  _ you _ ,” he insisted, “for defending the universe. You are a good man, Keith.”

Dr. Whleim left before Keith could react. Was he really a good person? Sure, he was freeing the universe from the hold of an evil alien empire that was technically fifty percent of his DNA, but good people don't make their teammates look defeated the way Lance did. Good people don't run away from a relationship because they were emotionally constipated.

Keith knocked on the door to room 325, nerves twisting his emotions until he wasn't sure if he felt excited or afraid. Would Adam be glad to see him? Keith did, technically, run off to space with Adam’s ex-fiance without telling him. Oh god, Adam was going to  _ kill _ him.

“Come in,” a voice called from inside. 

Keith opened the door. Adam was patting his bed, smoothing down the wrinkles. He wore the standard medical-issued uniform, and his glasses laid crooked on his nose. Strips of white gauze was wrapped around his head, bright against his messy, brown hair. 

_ Adam _ . The words were stuck inside his throat. Was he okay? What happened? Did Shiro know? 

“Are you just going to stand there, Kogane, or are you going to come in?” 

At the sound of Adam’s stern voice, Keith snapped to attention. “No, sir--um, Adam, I--”

Adam turned to face him and his mouth wrinkled into a smile. He looked tired but still the same. “I'm fucking with you, Keith. Come here and hug me.”

Keith didn't hesitant. He shot towards Adam and wrapped his arms around him, face buried in his shoulders. He smelled like antiseptics and baby powder. “Adam,” he murmured, shaking with happiness? Sadness? He didn't know.

Adam chuckled, hugging him back. “You're in so much trouble, young man. What were you thinking, fucking off to space like that?” His voice was both amused and tired.

“The whole “fucking off to space” thing kinda happened too fast,” Keith muttered, smiling against Adam’s white shirt. He was crying, silent tears streaming down his face. “But I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for leaving and--and finding Shiro, and not telling you, and-”

Adam stroked Keith’s hair, rocking him slightly. “It's okay, I'm not mad. No, I  _ am _ mad, but I'm just glad you're okay.” He laughed. “Did your ugly mullet get longer?”

“It grew while I was in the quantum abyss.” Keith pulled back to look him in the face. “Did you know I'm half-alien? I found my mom in space.”

Adam’s eyebrows rose up to his hairline. “You--what?”

He nodded, excited to finally brag to someone after holding it all inside. “I'm also a Paladin of Voltron now. Adam, I  _ save _ people!”

“Clearly, I have missed a lot,” he noted, grinning. “We have a lot to catch up on.” 

Keith nodded. “Yeah. What happened to your--” He gestured to his head.

Adam sighed, good mood disappearing. He sat on the bed, pulling Keith to sit next to him. “I was in an accident,” he explained slowly, voice careful like when he and Shiro explained the birds and the bees to him. “I was shot down by the aliens. I almost died-- it was close, but I managed to pull through. The doctors didn't tell me I was clear until today, just in time to see Voltron’s miraculous arrival.” Bitter humor touched his words. “Now I know how Takashi feels during his doctor visits.”

“Does he--” Keith swallowed around the huge lump in his throat. “Does Shiro know?”

Something dark passed through his brown eyes. “I should assume so. Commander Holt told me that it was his priority to tell Takashi about the accident before anything else. Sam said he’s still processing the information. He hadn't visited me yet that I know of.”

Keith recalled the panicked look in Shiro’s face earlier. “He's scared to see you.”

Adam hummed. “He always was.”

“Do you still love him?”

He shot Keith a bittersweet smile. “Never stopped. Now enough about me. How are you holding up?”

Keith was quiet for a minute. He mused over all his thoughts and feelings surrounding the past few days. It was all a jumbled mess. So he talked about the things he knew best. “Hunk wants to search for his family even though there's no time. Pidge is happy to have her family back, and I don't think I've ever seen her smile so much. Lance--”

“Keith,” Adam interrupted. “I said I want to know about  _ you _ . How are you feeling?”

He sighed. “Complicated. I didn't expect to feel so many things coming back home.”

“Feeling things is human nature.”

“I know but--” He let out a frustrated groan. “I'm trying to keep the past and the present separate but they're not listening to me.” Adam gave him a “go on” expression, eyes expectant. He never complained while listening to Keith rant before, and he wouldn't start now. Keith took a deep breath.

“Do you know James Griffin?” 

Adam nodded. “He’s a good officer. He leads the MFEs with a kind of command I would never expect from someone so young.”

“He was my rival back at the Garrison, and we also, kind of, maybe, hooked up a little?” He waited for the sounds of mocking laughter but it didn't come. Adam only raised an eyebrow.

“So he’s your ex?”

“Kind of?” He shrugged, unable to meet his eyes. “We never officially dated. Or broke up. But now that I'm back and he got hot, I don't know how to feel about him. But Lance, the Red Paladin, has been acting weird since I told him and now I'm confused. I know he’s jealous, but I don't think he has any reason to be. But I know I need to talk with James before all this tension kills me.”

Adam lifted up the side of his mouth in a smile. “Sounds like you need help sorting out your feelings.”

“Please,” Keith begged. 

“Go ahead, Keith. Let it all spill.”

And so he did.

* * *

 

_ There was an almost acidic taste in the air every time Keith headed to class. It was something only he seemed to notice, and he never called it out. He could taste it every time he walked into a room, late and apathetic to whatever was going on moments earlier. He knew immediately that it was disdain. He could feel the disdain people had towards him. _

_ No one liked him, no matter what Shiro said. They didn't like his rudeness, his showing off, his complete disregard for the rules, and he didn't give them much of a choice. He pushed everyone away, even Shiro. But the older man was almost as stubborn as he was, so it was a fruitless endeavour. So he kept Shiro close. He couldn't handle caring about more than one person. He wasn't sure if they would leave him like everyone else in his life. _

_ So yeah. Keith was an asshole. He wasn't going to sugarcoat it. But he was an asshole with reasons. Something he tried to explain to Shiro several times, but he didn’t understood. He was the Golden Boy of the Garrison, he never knew what it felt like to be hated by everyone around him. He had never been pushed into fitting a mold, into being a student he had no interest in being. So with all the teenage angst and anger he felt, Keith pushed back against the mold and the entire Garrison, fighting and arguing and creating hell for everyone involved. James Griffin being only one of them.  _

_ Keith vaguely remembered James from their school days before the Garrison. He never paid much attention to his classmates, or anything really. He woke up, went to class, daydreamed, went back to the orphanage, slept, and repeated the same routine the next day. Shiro coming into their class was a break in routine. Shiro taking a liking to him after Keith stole his car was a crack in his armor. Shiro helping him get into the Garrison, vouching for him when he had already given up hope, was a bright light in Keith’s gray life. _

_ He found himself struggling to adjust to the new rules, the new expectations, the new people surrounding him. Shiro helped as best as he could, but something in Keith didn’t click immediately when he walked down the Garrison halls. So when he saw James’ stupid face, a muted feeling of relief coursed through him. Sure, he didn't exactly  _ like _ James. They never really talked before. But James was someone he remembered from before the Garrison, so James knew what to expect from Keith. He never pushed Keith, or expected more of him, or made him feel inadequate. He left Keith alone. _

_ Or at least, he did at first. _

* * *

 

_ Flying in the Garrison’s state of the art simulations was fun. Having to follow certain procedures and rules set by a bunch of boring adults was not fun. He hated the training. All Keith wanted to do was fly as far away from Earth as he possibly could, not tilt his plane’s axis three degrees while flying in v formation with five other trainees. It was boring. It was a waste of his time.  _

_ He and the rest of his group flew in formation under the scrutiny of the Garrison teachers, including Shiro and Iverson. He could tell the other cadets were struggling to change their plane’s position as the air pressure and wind changed minutely, but Keith found it a breeze. Flying was as natural as breathing to him. It was some connection he had to the sky, to space, a place he knew he had to experience just to get himself to stop thinking about it.  _

_ He found himself growing bored as the training continued, so he did what he always did. He ignored orders, dipped his plane lower than it should have been, diving to the ground, breaking formation and ruining the training. Everyone around him groaned, complained about him. A ‘mission failed’ sign crossed his now dark screen. Keith could imagine Shiro’s disappointed face, but he leaned back against his chair and sighed. Everyone was yelling in his ear for ruining their training. It was to be expected. Keith did fuck everything up. It wasn't fair to any of them that they were to be punished because of Keith’s mistake, but whatever remorse Keith felt in him died when James opened his big mouth and started talking. _

_ They were now standing shoulder to shoulder in a line, eyes locked ahead while Iverson yelled at them, or more specifically, Keith. The air was tense even after he stopped yelling. Keith could feel the pointed glares the other cadets sent his way when they found out they had to do drills for four weeks now as punishment  _

_ “Thanks a lot,” James mumbled as Iverson stalked away from them. _

_ Keith couldn't stop himself from responding with a sarcastic, “My pleasure.” _

_ The tense air became thicker. Everyone could feel it. It was uncommon for Keith to take the bait and respond when people insulted or reprimanded him. He didn't care enough to take their words to heart. Responding meant that it affected him, that it bothered him. But this was James. James from his life before the Garrison. Keith knew him. He knew his stupid voice. James had never spoken much to Keith before. He had never expressed annoyance at his stunts, even though Keith knew he was affected as well. So, yeah, Keith couldn't help the little jab sent his way. _

_ But James had never quite responded to Keith's jabs before either. _

_ He turned his head to glare at him and hissed, “The only reason you're here is because of Shiro.” _

_ It was true, yeah, but it still stung. Shiro was the one who gave him a chance to do what he loved-- fly. Was that such a terrible thing? _

_ Irritation flowed through his veins like blood, heating up his skin. “I can fly better than  _ anyone _ in this room,” Keith shot back. “In this entire base.” _

_ Which was also true, but he knew it would hurt James. Keith barely paid attention in class, he never studied, yet he was number one in the class. He knew James’ family was strict, and they pushed him to study as much as possible. Keith sometimes saw him in the library surrounded by books. Yet he was second in the class. Who knew how much more frustration he bottled up inside, watching a student like Keith be in a place he should be. _

_ “Oh yeah?” James sneered, frustration spilling over. “Is that what mommy and daddy said-” _

_ And then Keith saw white. He didn't think. _

_ He pulled back a fist and punched James. He wanted to punch him again, but the officers grabbed his arms before he could. Keith could barely hear his classmates yelling because of the blood rushing in his ears. James was sprawled on the ground, hands clutching his cheek. He looked up at Keith in shock. _

_ Sure, he had disciplinary issues and anger problems, but Keith had never physically assaulted a student before. The look of fear in James’ eyes made something in Keith flicker out. _

_ He was sent to the office with a bruised James. _

_ Shiro was disappointed in him, but he gave Keith another chance. A chance he thought he didn't deserve. There was nothing inherently great about him, other than his exceptional flying skills. Even his own parents didn't want him. So why did Shiro do this? Why couldn't he hate him like James and the rest of the Garrison did? _

_ “I won't give up on you,” Shiro had said. “But Keith, you also can’t give up on yourself.” _

_ Instead of going back to his dorm, Keith begged Shiro to take him to his house. He didn't want to face his roommate, who would have no doubt heard about his almost-expulsion. Shiro agreed to let Keith stay over, and he picked a movie for them to watch. They cuddled on the couch with the blanket covering them, eyes focused on the TV. They talked a little, joked around, falling silent as the movie got suspenseful. Keith, with all his jumbled nerves and unresolved issues, relaxed enough to let Shiro in. He had almost forgotten about James. _

_ Eventually, Shiro fell asleep. _

_ Eventually, Adam came home. It was late at night, way pass the cadet’s curfew. He stood in the doorway, glasses obstructing the look in his face, as Keith looked back at him. It was quite a scene; Keith, the fearsome dragon, was shielding the princess (Shiro) from the valiant knight. Because Adam knew, and Keith knew he knew, but Keith was too tired to create a confrontation. So he tucked in his metaphorical wings and let the knight in. _

_ “Adam,” he said. _

_ “Keith.” _

_ “I punched someone in the face today,” he said. _

_ Adam didn't look shocked. If anything, he looked as if he expected it. “Did they deserve it?” _

_ Did he? “He said I was only in the Garrison because of Shiro.” James did say that, but it wasn't the reason why Keith punched him. But he had no desire to talk about his missing parents and the feelings he had towards them. They weren't that close. _

_ “And how do you feel?” Adam asked, as if he was his therapist. _

_ “Awful,” Keith admitted. “And good at the same time. I think I gave him a black eye.” _

_ Adam sat carefully on the edge of the couch, his attention still on Keith. “And what are you going to do now?” _

_ Keith looked towards Shiro, towards the princess, sleeping peacefully next to him.“I'm going to prove him wrong.” _

_ Adam smiled, glasses glinting in the television’s soft light. “That's my boy.” _

* * *

 

_ The next day, Keith entered class to the sounds of shocked whispers. His classmates stared unabashedly at him as he sat in his seat near the window. Even the teacher looked surprised to see him.  _

_ “Did you hear?” Someone whispered. _

_ “Emo boy punched Griffin yesterday,” someone else whispered. _

_ “Heard Iverson was gonna kick him out personally,” someone added. _

_ “Nah, Shiro got him out of trouble. Like always.” _

_ He did his best to ignore them. He doodled in his notebook, mind wandering to think about the cool hoverbike Shiro had. He was going to teach Keith how to ride it.  _

_ Someone stood right in front of his desk. “Keith, right?” _

_ He didn't hide his annoyed sigh, barely shooting the boy a glance. The boy in question was small, someone Keith would never look twice at. His blue eyes were large on his face, brown hair messily flopped on his head. His eyebrows were pulled down into a serious look. Keith rolled his eyes and looked back down. _

_ “Hey, don’t ignore me! I'm talking to you.” _

_ “What do you want?” Keith muttered. He wanted to be left alone.  _

_ The boy was silent for a few seconds. Keith couldn't help but glance up in silent interest. The boy was gnawing his lips, looking everywhere but down at Keith. His face was a little red. A quick glance to the side told Keith that the entire room was watching them, although they were doing a terrible job at hiding it. The attention made his skin prickle, which rose his irritation up. _

_ “If you're not going to say anything, piss off,” Keith snapped. The boy was probably afraid to be seen talking to him.  _

_ “N-no, I am!” He cried, indignant. “I just-- did you get in trouble for punching James Griffin?”  _

_ There was it. The question. The question they were all thinking, and this peanut was the only one brave enough to ask him. “No.”  _

_ “Oh.” Peanut looked at the ground awkwardly. “It kinda sucks that we have to do drills because of you, but I would hate it if you were kicked out or something. You're, like, our best pilot. Even if your hair is stupid.”  _

_ Keith stared at him, unable or unwilling to comprehend the compliment. He didn't know what to say, so he let out a noncommittal grunt. “I guess,” he mumbled, looking down. _

_ “I actually think you're kinda-” But whatever Peanut had to say was interrupted by the teacher coming into the classroom. “Everyone quiet and take your seats. We’re starting a new unit today.”  _

_ Peanut pouted and slinked away to sit next to a kid with an orange headband. Keith gave him one last strange glance before turning back to his doodling. Halfway through class, James entered with an apologetic smile and a black eye. “Sorry I'm late,” he said, rubbing his arm.  _

_ The teacher sighed. “Just sit down, James. You're a little behind.” _

_ James’ eyes met Keith’s for one second before he looked away. Keith stared out the window, adamant not to look at or even acknowledge James’ presence. He could still see the shocked look on his face, and it twisted Keith’s stomach in ways he didn't understand. Instead of facing the complicated emotions, he shoved them down and went back to doing what he did best, ignore the entire world and hope it ignored him back. _

* * *

__

_ Keith avoided James like the plague for the next two weeks. He did his best to lay low, stay out of trouble and not cause a big commotion. Shiro warned him that if he did something like that again, he might not be able to keep Keith from going on academic probation.  _

_ So Keith stayed quiet in class. He did his drills diligently, not bothering to acknowledge his teammates complaints. He stayed out of everyone’s way, leaving too quick to get stuck in a conversation with someone. Sometimes Peanut Boy cornered him in the classroom, giving Keith strange compliments while scoffing at his haircut. He was the only one who didn't treat Keith like delinquent, which wasn't unpleasant. It was just strange because they weren't exactly friends. _

_ Keith avoided the lunchroom by eating on the roof. After class, he either wandered the desert or visited Shiro and Adam’s apartment. It was cozy and familiar, and Keith felt like he could breathe everytime he was there. Shiro welcomed him with a warm smile that made his heart beat faster, while Adam cooked his favorite meals and asked about his opinions on his cooking. He felt wanted in those eggshell white walls. _

_ “Did you apologize?” Shiro asked one day while they were sprawled on the couch, board game left forgotten between them. _

_ “To who?”  _

_ “That boy you punched.” _

_ Adam looked up from where he was reading on the adjacent couch, eyebrow raised in interest. _

_ “Why should I?” Keith shrugged. “He deserved it.” _

_ “Keith--” Shiro began, voice dropping into Disappointed Land. _

_ “Takashi,” Adam interjected. “It's fine. Keith did it to defend you and your unnecessary big heart.” His voice was teasing. _

_ Keith’s face reddened. “No--Adam, stop!” _

_ “Defend me?” Shiro’s nose crinkled in confusion. “I didn't know I needed defending.”  _

_ “Of course you do. If it wasn't for the both of us, you’d get stuck in a revolving door.” _

_ “Hey!” Shiro laughed, flicking a board piece at Adam.  _

_ He ducked, smiling fondly at him. “It's true.” _

_ “I hate you.” _

_ “I love you too.” _

_ Shiro grinned back, eyes softening. Something silent passed between them, something Keith didn't understand. _

_ He averted his eyes, feeling as if he was intruding on something intimate. Normally, Keith would feel jealous when they looked at each other like this. He wanted to know what it was like to love someone like that and have them love him back.  _

_ Now, he just felt lost. _

_ Shiro snapped back to pay attention to Keith. “Regardless of what he did, Keith, you still have to apologize to him. He loiters around my classroom all day, asking about you. Poor kid looks like his puppy was kicked.” _

_ James was asking about him? Keith hadn't even looked in his general direction since the fight. He assumed James also wanted nothing to do with him. “I'll think about it,” he mumbled. “To stop him from bothering you.” _

_ Shiro gave him a small smile and Keith’s heart flipped in his chest. Adam tossed him a knowing glance.  _

* * *

 

_ Keith didn't have to worry about apologizing to James. After almost three weeks of not talking to him, James cornered him before lunch as Keith was on his way to the rooftop. He stood with his hands pulling his collar nervously, eyes trained on the ground. Keith leaned against the wall, face perfectly sculpted into a mask of indifference. _

_ “What do you want, Griffin?” _

_ “I--” James swallowed. “Can we talk? In private?” _

_ Keith glanced at the students not so discreetly watching them. They looked away when they caught Keith’s glare, but he knew they would just start rumors about the two of them. _

_ He jerked his head to the side, a clear “follow me”, and began walking to the rooftop. He didn't look back to see if James was following him.  _

_ The sky was particularly beautiful that day. Keith leaned against the metal railing, eyes closed against the soft wind. He imagined spreading wings and flying, higher and higher and higher, until he could reach the stars.  _

_ “We shouldn't be here, we’ll get in trouble,” James said, startling Keith out of his reverie. He had almost forgotten the taller boy was there. _

_ “Then why did you follow me?” Keith asked, turning slightly to glare at him. _

_ He didn't respond. He licked his lips, glanced nervously to the side, and swallowed. “I--I wanted to talk.” _

_ “We have nothing to talk about.”  _

_ James frowned at Keith’s tense tone. “Yeah, we kind of do. Why are you like this--” _

_ “Like what?” Keith’s anger was rising. Of course James was the one who made things difficult. “I don't even want to have this conversation with you!” _

_ “Then why did you bring me up here?” James demanded.  _

_ “So that you’ll stop bothering me. Shiro told me about you asking about me.” _

_ James face darkened. “Of course he did. I don't get why he's giving  _ you _ of all people special treatment.” _

_ “It might have to do with the fact that I'm better than you at flying.” Keith had no reason to retaliate to James’ words, but he couldn't stop himself. Something in him snapped every time he opened his mouth. They weren't friends pre-Garrison, but they also weren't enemies. Now, it seemed like that's all they were. _

_ “You're  _ not _ better than me!”  _

_ “I always have been, always will be! I don't need Shiro or anyone else to prove it for me.” _

_ “You're an asshole!”  _

_ “No,  _ you're _ an asshole!” _

_ “Goddamnit, Keith, I am trying to apologize to you!” James exploded, face red. _

_ Keith paused. “You're….what?” _

_ James took the moment to take a deep breath. “Look, I didn't come here to argue. I just wanted to say sorry for….what I said before.” _

_ He still couldn't comprehend what was going on. “What you said….?” _

_ James winced, looking guiltily away. “About your parents.” _

_ Realization dawned on him. “Is that why you….?” _

_ He nodded. “I heard about what happened to your dad and I feel like a major asshole. I'm sorry. I didn't know.” _

_ Keith was at a lost for words. “I,” he blinked. “Huh.” What would Shiro do in this situation? “Sorry. I'm sorry, too. For punching you.” _

_ “I deserved it,” James muttered. “I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me. And to go through what you did by yourself,” he laughed bitterly. “I can't even imagine not having my parents.” _

_ Hearing this, coming from James, was a dream. He wasn't a bad kid, not like Keith was, but he had never expected an apology like this. No one had ever apologized to him before. Did enemies apologize to each other? Or were they something else now? _

_ Silence fell on the two boys. Neither knew how to proceed from here. Keith crossed his arms, feeling emotionally vulnerable. They had no reason to ignore each other now that they apologized, but they couldn't put aside everything and be friends now. Keith was still an asshole, and James was still no one to him. Where did they go from here? _

_ He coughed, if only to interrupt the tense atmosphere. “So what now?” _

_ James looked just as confused. “We could not talk to each other like before….” _

_ “Or?”  _

_ He looked embarrassed to say it. “I still feel shitty for what I said. I want to make it up to you.” _

_ Oh. “I don't need friends,” Keith blurted out. _

_ James frowned. “I think you're lying.” _

_ “I'm not.” He had Shiro and Adam, he didn't need anyone else.  _

_ “Fine then. Not friends. But….” He hesitated a little. “A truce? I don't want to fight you.” _

_ “I don't want to fight you either.” _

_ “And you're, like, the best pilot in our class. I want to know how you're so good at flying. I never see you study.” _

_ “What, you want to beat me?” He asked, incredulous. _

_ James shrugged. “Someone else has to be number one eventually. Why shouldn't it be me?” _

_ Despite himself, Keith smirked. “I wouldn't hold your breath, Griffin.”  _

_ “Bite me, Kogane.”   _

_ James held out a hand. “So, rivals?” He asked. _

_ Keith took his hand. “Rivals.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keith: *doesn't remember Hunk and Lance after one year despite being in the same class as them*
> 
> Also Keith: *immediately remembers James after not seeing him for five years*
> 
> ////
> 
> Me, whispering: Psst, thats not how rivalry works


	3. Keith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam sighed, stretching his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. “I think you already know, Romeo. The question is, who will be your Rosaline and who will be your Juliet?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished! Yeah! School is already kicking my ass and it just started but I'm auditioning for my school play after school today so wish me luck.

_ The following couple of months weren’t bad, to Keith’s surprise. It wasn’t a dramatic difference, but he had less disciplinary problems. Iverson stopped getting on Keith’s ass over every miniscule problem he had-- which Shiro was grateful for. Iverson tended to complain to him about Keith’s problematic attitude whenever they had down time and found each other in the same room. Because Keith no longer screwed up every simulation, his classmates stopped antagonizing him. They went back to ignoring his existence. Keith couldn’t have asked for more.  _

_ He still had his constants. He had Shiro and Adam, no matter how disgusting and embarrassing their public displays of affections were. Despite the heaviness of Keith’s chest every time he saw Shiro smile at Adam with blinding love, he was happy for them. He really was. As long as he could still ride with Shiro on their new hoverbikes, or play board games with Adam, or snuggle up on Adam’s worn couch and make sarcastic jabs at the T.V as they watched another cheesy rom-com, Keith was happy. But he couldn’t help but hate it all at the same time.  _

_ Peanut Boy was still there. Keith didn’t know why he didn’t lose interest in him after the fight with James blew over, but Peanut Boy never seemed to find it boring to go up to Keith during their free time and talk his ear off. He didn’t pay attention most of the time, but sometimes he would catch words that interested him like “dangerous", “mission to space”, and “flying”. Keith would then contribute to the previous one-sided conversation with half hearted comments, and Peanut’s blue eyes would get distractedly large.  _

_ One day, after a particularly hard training session, Keith was hanging outside the teacher’s lounge, waiting for Shiro. There was a bulletin board hanging outside with various news and announcements and a paper with the latest class ranks for the cadets. Keith skimmed the list, skipping over his own name-- of course he was first in the class, of course James was second-- disinterested in the others. If you asked him to name everyone in their class using their pictures, he would look at you blankly. The only person he could name was James. In a couple of years he would never see these people ever again, so what was the point of playing nice and knowing their names? _

_ Someone tapped him on the shoulder once he got to the end of the list-- some kid named Lance something. Keith glanced to the side, grunting his equivalent of a hello. Peanut was standing next to him, nervously scratching his neck. There was a soft blush on his face, and he was smiling.  _

_ “Oh, it’s you,” Keith said, turning back to the list.  _

_ “Yeah, me.” His voice lacked the usual bravado and enthusiasm. Keith glanced at him again. “Um, how’s it going?” _

_ He shrugged.  _

_ “So, uh, it’s great that Iverson isn’t yelling at us anymore,” Peanuts grinned, although it wasn’t as genuine as usual. “D’ya think that he’s going to give us easier assignments?” _

_ Keith shrugged again. “Getting easier assignments isn’t gonna make you improve your flying. You’ll be demoted to cargo class if you don't even try the hard assignments.” _

_ Peanut’s blush deepened. “Yeah, of course! I definitely wasn’t-- well, I was just asking for m-my friend--um.” He dropped his gaze, nervousness emanating off of him. “I guess it’s just frustrating since you’re the best at flying and I’m just….average at best.” _

_ Keith felt bad for Peanuts, in an odd sort of way. He didn’t know him all that well-- hell, he didn’t even know his first name-- but there was something about him that reminded Keith he wasn’t a total asshole. He wanted to make him feel better, but he wasn’t Shiro or Adam. He couldn’t talk to people. Chewing his bottom lip, Keith put a hesitant hand on Peanut’s shoulder. The smaller boy jumped, eyes wide and blinking rapidly.  _

_ “Uh, wh-what-?” He stuttered.  _

_ “Don’t give up,” he said rather awkwardly. His mouth was making words and he wasn’t going to stop it. “You’re not as skilled as me, but if you’re in the Garrison, it’s for a reason. You didn’t make it here by chance or dumb luck. You must have some skills in that skinny body of yours.” _

_ Peanuts frowned at him in confusion. “Was that a compliment or….?” _

_ “It’s a compliment,” Keith interrupted. “I think. Just don’t worry about it.” _

_ “Easy for you to say,” Peanuts muttered. “You’re Keith Kogane, you can do anything.” _

_ Keith thought back to Adam and Shiro, gazing at each other as if they were the only ones in the room.  _ Not everything. _ “Look, how about this? If you can get even a hundred points close to my simulation scores, then I will--” He silently panicked, unsure what to say. What did Peanuts like? Wait, no. Keith knew absolutely nothing about the small boy. In that case, what would anyone want as a reward for not dropping into the cargo class? He once again thought back to Shiro, the only positive influence Keith had in his life since his dad died, and of all the things they did together. The things Keith wouldn’t trade for the world. “If you can get at least a hundred points close, then I’ll let you ride with me on my hoverbike.” _

_ “You have a hoverbike?” Peanuts asked, awed, because you had to sixteen to get a licence. “That’s amazing.” _

_ Keith nodded, smiling slightly. “Yeah. And I’ll let you ride it only if your scores improve.” _

_ Peanuts nodded, grinning like the sun. “Yeah, sure! I’ll do you one better, I’ll beat your scores without trying.” _

_ He shrugged. “I’d like to see you try, Peanuts.” _

_ “Oh, I’ll try alr-- wait, what?” _

_ Thankfully, before Keith could unbury himself from the hole he fell into, someone called his name. Shiro was standing down the hall with a weird smile on his face, arms full of papers and textbooks. Keith’s face brightened at him and he hurried towards Shiro without second thoughts about the Peanut Boy with blue eyes.  _

_ “Finally, you’re ready.” _

_ Shiro laughed at Keith’s eagerness, which made the dark-haired boy immediately scowl. “Why’re you laughing for?” _

_ “No reason,” Shiro promised. “I've just never seen you so happy.” _

_ “Can’t I be glad to see you?” Keith muttered, stuffing his hands into his sweatshirt. They weren’t allowed to wear other articles of clothing other than their uniforms, but Keith was cold and didn’t give two shits about the rules.  _

_ Shiro smiled at him, eyes distant and hard to read. “Who was that boy you were talking to? A friend?” _

_ Keith glanced back at Peanuts, who was trying desperately and failing not to stare at them. “No, not really. I was just trying to get him to try harder on the assignments.” _

_ Shiro gasped. “Keith Kogane? Being nice to a fellow student without being forced? Are you feeling okay?” _

_ He frowned, although he couldn’t help his cheeks from warming a little. “Oh, shut up. I think you’re rubbing off of me and I hate it.” _

_ Shiro laughed again and Keith took another peek at Peanuts, who was still watching them. _

_ So yeah, Peanut Boy was also a constant in Keith’s life, and not exactly a bad one. _

_ And then there was James.  _

_ Out of all the changes and constants in Keith’s life, James was the most confusing. They weren’t exactly friends, but there was nothing else to describe them. Rivals didn’t quite cut it. No matter how many arguments and competitions they had, there wasn’t any real fire in them.  _

_ There was some kind of intensity Keith couldn't put his finger on. He had the unfortunate habit of pushing against everything and everyone. He pushed against the Garrison, against the teachers, against the other cadets, against Shiro. Whenever he pushed, the Garrison let it happen, creating more cracks between them. When he pushed against Shiro, he stood tall and impassable, making it impossible to move. And whenever he pushed against Adam, the aspiring teacher would just taunt Keith enough to make him give up.  _

_ But James, he pushed back. He pushed back and hard, just enough to keep Keith interested. Enough to make him look at James a little longer. When Keith snapped at him, as he was apt to do, James would snap back with his own heat. If Keith yelled, James would yell even louder. But he was also so very, very, very gentle. And Keith didn’t understand that. _

_ When they were sprawled on James’ dorm room floor (his roommate dropped out a few month after the year started for mysterious reasons), homework spread between them, Keith would see a new side to James that he never thought existed. Their weird tradition of studying with each other started when Shiro and Adam were having one of their romantic dates, and Keith needed help with a difficult question, and he found himself walking towards James’ dorm. For James credit, he didn’t question Keith’s presence. He didn’t turn him away, and since that day, they just gravitated towards each other when it came to getting schoolwork done.  _

_ But while James was serious and stern about getting perfect grades and improving, he never laughed at Keith for not getting the more complicated equations down. He explained everything in a gentle tone Keith had only ever heard Shiro use, he gave Keith space to fume when he didn’t get the answer he wanted, and more than that, he smiled at Keith. _

_ When he finally figured out a hard equation, James would give Keith a gentle smile, his eyes would crinkle on the sides, and Keith’s heart would start beating really fast. James never smiled like this in class. _

_ And sometimes, when they had free time, they would sneak onto the roof during lunch (because Keith didn’t like eating with the other students and James would always look anxious when they were seen together) and just talk. They talked about the teachers, the school assignments, their dreams, aspirations, and favorite movies. And Keith would find himself warming up to the other boy, despite his earlier preconceptions, so when James would turn to stare and smile at him, Keith would smile back. Tentatively. _

_ It was fine. It was all fine. There wasn't a clear cut line for what they were right now, but Keith at least knew what to expect. All of that went down the drain when James kissed him. _

_ They were writing notes down from their textbooks, the room quiet except for the flip of papers and pencils scratching down flying maneuvers. Keith was laying on his stomach, teeth gnawing the ends of his pencil. He pushed his hair out of his eyes and looked up. James, who was studying on the bottom bunk, was staring at him, face pink. They didn't say a word. There was a pull that started from deep in Keith’s gut, and he wasn't sure if it was unpleasant. It forced him to watch James, to notice how bright his eyes were, or how distractedly pink his lips were when he licked them, or how, when he tilted his head slightly to the side, his hair fell into his eyes and they gave him a look that made Keith shiver.  _

_ He licked his lips, wanting to say something because he wasn't used to this weird energy between them, and he saw James follow his tongue’s movements.  _

_ Keith opened his mouth but James beat him to it. “I think your mullet is dumb.” _

_ He blinked. The words were a challenge and a question all rolled into one. Except Keith didn't know what the question was. So he stayed silent, as James slowly slid down from his bed to the floor. Keith’s heart started doing jumping jacks in his chest.  _

_ “And your face is stupid.” He inched closer, face unreadable. _

_ “And your voice is grating.” And closer. _

_ “And your personality sucks.” He was closer, close enough to touch, close enough for Keith to count the flecks in his eyes. _

_ “And I can't stop thinking about you.” They were close enough to share the same breath, now. The gap between them felt miles wide and electric, and while Keith had a sort of clue as to what James wanted, he didn't know how to confirm it for himself.  _

_ “Yeah?” Keith asked in half a breath, voice rough and low. James eyes were hooded, his mouth was slightly parted, and Keith had a strange urge to touch them to see if they were really as soft as they looked.  _

_ “Keith,  I--” But instead of finishing, James surged forwards and pressed his lips to Keith.  _

* * *

 

_ Whenever Keith was in any sort of trouble, he always went to Shiro first. Rather it was because he mouthed off to a teacher, stole a government-sanctioned vehicle, or kissed back his sort-of rival, Shiro always knew what to do. So immediately after, Keith snuck out of the Garrison dorms and ran to Shiro’s apartment, face red and chest heaving. No one answered so Keith broke in using a crowbar he kept hidden (it wasn't the first time this had happened so it was fine). _

_ He curled up on the couch, face pressed to his knees, and practiced breathing in and out. He was still waiting for the Universe to reveal that it was all a big cosmic joke, but nothing happened. He stewed in silence for a while, turning the event over and over in his head. His stomach soured.  _

_ Shiro found him in the same position a while later. Keith wasn't sure how long he had been there, but his fingers were numb and there was a Keith shaped-hole in the couch. Shiro, for his part, didn't look surprise. After the fourth time, he began to accept the fact that Keith would break into his house forever.  _

_ “What happened?” Shiro asked, in that kind, yet annoying, paternal way of his.  _

_ Keith rolled to the side so that there was enough space for Shiro to sit down and pat his head awkwardly. “I'm fucked,” he responded. _

_ “Language.” _

_ He turned to look at Shiro. “I might need to change my name and move out of the country.” _

_ Shiro raised an eyebrow, half-amused and half-concerned. “What did you do? Do I need to bail you out of anything?” _

_ Keith thought back to James’ chapped lips and the taste of his mouth, and fought back a shiver. “I didn't do anything,” he muttered, glaring at the wall. “It's his fault.” _

_ “Did you get into another fight? Keith, I told you the next it happened, Iverson was going to--” _

_ “It wasn't a fight,” he interrupted. “Someone kissed me.” _

_ Shiro was silent. When Keith looked up, the older man’s eyebrows were drawn down in a confused furrow. He opened his mouth then closed it. He was so utterly flabbergasted that it would have been funny if Keith’s future wasn't in peril. Finally, he stuttered out a disbelieving, “What?”  _

_ “I don't know myself. One minute, I was studying, the next, I found lips on mine!” _

_ “That's--” Shiro struggled to find the words. “Great? W-was it nice? Was she cute?” _

_ Keith gave him a strange look. “It was a boy.” _

_ Shiro, the same man who pretty much lived at his boyfriend’s house and sang cheesy love songs to him when he was drunk, seemed even more shocked to find out it was a boy. “A-a boy? What did you-- what did you do?” _

_ Wasn't it obvious? “I kissed him back.” _

_ “You kissed him--” Shiro pulled away from him, panicking. “Oh god, are you coming out to me? I wasn't prepared for this, I was going to make a PowerPoint and order t-shirts and buy a Pride mug for you and--” _

_ “Shiro! Calm down! I don't even know what you're talking about!” In all honesty, Shiro was scaring him a little.  _

_ He relaxed. Slightly. “Right. Right.” He nodded, as if affirming something to himself. “That's fine. Adam and I didn't screw up yet. We have time to make a cake.”  _

_ Keith threw up his hands in exasperation. “Do you want to help me or not?” _

_ “No, yeah, I do! I just need to process things. I never imagined someone….liking you. No offense.”  _

_ “None taken.” _

_ They were silent for a few seconds, musing over everything. Keith pressed a hesitant finger to his lip. It was cold now, but he could still feel the phantom kiss. His cheeks warmed.  _

_ “Do you….” Shiro stopped and glanced at him. “Do you mind me asking who it is?”  _

_ Normally, he would. But this was Shiro. He wouldn't mind, right? And who was to say James didn't blab to the whole school about their (barely a) makeout session already? This could all be an elaborate prank. _

_ “James Griffin,” he muttered, wrapping his small arms around himself.  _

_ “James Gri-- the kid you punched?!?” Shiro exclaimed.  _

_ Keith nodded minutely.  _

_ “Clearly I missed a lot.” _

_ Keith didn't respond. He remembered how awkward it was to fit their lips together, to find a perfect rhythm, but then James’ fingers ended up in Keith’s hair and Keith’s fingers found themselves cupping James’ cheeks and everything else fell away. He groaned buried his face into his hands.  _

_ “So, did you actually….like it?”  _

_ Keith looked up to give Shiro a “What the actual fuck?” look.  _

_ He shrugged helplessly. “I'm just trying to understand the situation! Why else would you break into my house and state that you’re fucked?!” _

_ “I mean, obviously I--” His voice became really soft and slow. “Obviously, I liked it, I guess. I just don't know if he did.” _

_ “But he kissed you first?”  _

_ “Yeah….” He trailed off ominously.  _

_ Shiro leaned back and stared at the ceiling. He chuckled. “This so weird. And here, I thought you had a crush on me.” _

_ It took a minute for him to process the words. Keith yelped, jumping off the couch in panic, face red and heart beating a million miles an hour. “How d-did-- d-did Adam tell you?” He squeaked, voice cracking slightly.  _

_ Shiro gave Keith a confused look. “Adam knows?”  _

_ “Oh my God,” he said, covering his face to hide the mortification. “Oh my God.” _

_ “To be fair, Keith, a lot of cadets have crushes on me. It's part of the hero worship that they're prone to do. I don't mind, I find it flattering. But I currently have a boyfriend.” _

_ “Oh my God,” Keith repeated, before turning around and stomping to the door. “I can't do this.” _

_ “Keith,” Shiro laughed, making no move to stop him, “wait!” _

_ “Fuck off!”  _

_ “Language!”  _

_ He slammed the door shut. _

* * *

_ What Keith didn't tell Shiro, and what he didn't want to remember, was the look James gave him when they finally pulled away. Keith was slowly coming down from the high every young boy had when they experienced their first kiss, and his face was flushed and open. He looked at James’ face, hoping to see the same shocked, yet hopeful expression. _

_ But instead, James looked horrified, as if it had all been a mistake he wished he could take back. As if he regretted it. That had set Keith off, so he pushed James away and ran out the door, tears threatening to fall. _

_ In that moment, he knew, James was going to break his heart. _

* * *

“A bit dramatic, don't you think?” Adam laughed, lounging on his hospital bed. He looked relaxed and at peace.

Keith shrugged. “You can't blame me, I was a stupid and over dramatic child.”

He smiled slightly, glasses perched on his nose as if he didn't know how to wear them. “I always wondered how Takashi found out. I assumed you told him yourself. It explains why you couldn't look him in the eye for weeks.”

Keith nodded sharply, refusing to reminisce about the event. He cleared his throat. “Anyways, yeah. I always blamed him for what happened, because he was the one that first kissed me, but now that I'm older, I realize that it was also kind of my fault. What happened after, when we started hooking up and--” He frowned, looking down at his tightly clasped hands. “--and when Shiro left for Kerberos, I guess I--”

“You feel guilty about the way your relationship ended?” Adam suggested. 

He nodded. “And began. And continued. I was angry when I left Earth, angry at the Garrison and at him. And then I spent more time around Lance and I forgot…..about James? I guess. I forgot the anger and helplessness."

“But now that you're back, all those earlier feelings are coming back?”

“But I also can't stop thinking about Lance, because after every thing that happened in space--”  _ He pushed back when I pushed and I think I fell a little bit in love with his stupid pick-up lines. _ Keith shook away the thought. It didn't matter in the end because Lance had always liked people who were like Allura, people with long lashes, flowing hair, and boobs.

“You think you may have found someone else to break your heart.”

Keith paused. “Quiznack, you're good at this.”

“Quiz-- _what_?”

Keith squinted at him. “How did you get so good, anyway? You always had the best advice.”

Adam huffed out a laugh. “I was a teacher, Keith, and a really popular one as well. I had to deal with a lot of relationship drama because students would come to me for advice. It might have been the glasses.”

They’re both silent for a while. Keith chewed on his bottom lip, a nervous habit he thought he kicked when he became the pilot of an ancient alien space weapon. “What do I do now?”

Adam sighed, stretching his hands behind his head and closing his eyes. “I think you already know, Romeo. The question is, who will be your Rosaline and who will be your Juliet?”

“And what about you? Who will you be?”

His lips lifted in a half-sardonic smile. “My goal is to be Benvolio and survive this damn play.”

“Then would that make Shiro Mercutio?”

Adam’s intense brown eyes flickered open. “I guess we both have problems to sort out.”

* * *

Outside of Adam’s room, Keith took a deep breath. Then began searching for a certain tan-skinned boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how both Lance and James have tanned skin and brown hair because I can do shit like that. Good luck figuring that out.
> 
> Next chapter is Lancey-Lance's POV!

**Author's Note:**

> Unpopular opinion: I actually liked season 7. Was it the best? No. But I'm going to enjoy what it was instead of what it could have been. 
> 
> But Adam shouldn't have fucking died.


End file.
